Monday, 11 April 2011

I hate . . . The Supermarket Time Warp

I've noticed an odd effect recently when going into the local supermarket to get just a few things. It's primarily found when going to a large supermarket to buy a few items. I'm sure further studies will show if the effects are proportional to the size of the supermarket or the number of items.

Supermarkets distort space and time!

A graph may make this clearer:

As you can clearly see, despite careful timing 72% of the time spent inside a supermarket cannot be accounted for.

I think this is a worrying effect, and we must legislate to reduce these effects:

  • Prevent development of any supermarkets larger than current ones, as they may be able to create an effect significant enough to destroy the fabric of the universe
  • Fit large clocks to the exterior of the buildings to allow visitors to check the real time
  • Check to see if there is also an effect on local gravity fields, which may explain how customers of that size are still able to move

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