Sunday, 3 April 2011

I hate . . . Gardening

Gardening. Pretty much since we moved away from subsistence farming, people have been gardening for fun. There's been a bit of a resurgence in growing food, but the vast majority of what we grow is nor particularly edible.

So why do we do it? I'm struggling to come up with any answers. It seems rather an exercise in futility

Having just spent the afternoon hacking into trees and bushes, I think that I don't like the garden, and it does not like me. The plants are doing their best to injure with a wide selection of pointy bits, thorns and spikes. The nice looking plants always die (especially if you have actually paid for them), while the ones you don't want are un-killable.

The best part, though, is that it's never-ending. Despite all the chopping, snipping, digging, trimming and mowing, in a month time it'll need doing all over again.

So here's the biggest demand for genetic engineering: I want grass that gowns to 3 cm and stops. Shrubs that never outgrow their space. Hedges that form neat, square edges. Trees that don't try to take over the whole area, and slugs that only eat weeds. Is that too much to ask?

Failing that, there's always plan B

Pave the Planet! (from

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