Monday 14 November 2011

I hate . . . Used Car Ads

I've been looking at car ads recently, and some of the ads I see from private car sellers are really irritating. I can best demonstrate with some examples:


Volkswagen Polo 1.2 Ltr BLACK (2005) VERY NICE CAR,VERY LOW MILEAGE ONLY DONE 69000,Service History, Dark Grey cloth trim NICE CAR FIRST SEE U WILL BUY cheap ins Central locking, Drivers,Airbag,Passenger airbag electric mirrors It has been regularly maintained Excellent Condition in and out,New tyer drive like a new,very good engine, Alarm,Adjustable seats, Adjustable steering LONG M.O.T AND TAX ,Very Clean Inside AND Outside,excellent condition First to see you will buy cheap insurance

Ignoring the spelling on this one, it's the 'First to see will buy' - repeated for emphasis. No. No I won't. I will buy it if I think its the right car for the price and my needs. NOT because YOU think it's great. If it is so great why are you selling it then? I'll make up my own mind, thanks.


rover 25 1.6 mot and tax clean in and out 2000 reg £750 just had 2 new tyres brand new back box fitted today brand new power stearing blet 10months mot 2 months tax e/windows e sun roft c/locking alam and mobilizer built in drives smooth. £750 no offers.

More dodgy spelling, but this one says 'No offers' ('Firm' if you are in the US). You are telling me your opinion, as the seller, is worth more than mine - the guy with the cash. Fine, put 'No offers' if you like. You are not going to get one - in fact, I won't even phone.

BMW
BMW 325CI 2 DOOR Coupé SILVER. FULL SERVICE HISTORY X REG 2.5 PETROL TAXED TILL APRIL 2012 MOT TILL MAY 2012 .THE CAR HAS BEEN VERY VERY WELL LOOKED AFTER THERE ARE NO SCRATCHES OR DENTS ANYWHERE ON THE CAR , THE WHOLE CAR ITSELF IS IN PERFECT CONDITION

This guys caps lock has got stuck, but what got me was the advert title that was visible in the list view. It said 'BMW'. That was it. No model, year, engine size, mileage....


No Picture Make: Honda
Model: Civic Se
Body type: 5 Door Hatchback
Fuel type: Petrol
Year: 2002
Mileage: 105 miles
CD PLAYER E/WIN REMOTE C/LOCKING
A/C HPI CLEAR

Ok, basic and to the point (not exactly selling it here) but look at the mileage. 105 miles. In 11 years. Ah Ha! - you meant 105,000.  When most car search uses the miles as a main search field, at least enter them correctly.

*DIESEL*Seat Toledo Se 110 BHP Tdi - (not bmw,golf,leon,vauxhall,306) **£1,299**

I can see the car is not a BMW, Golf, Leon, Vauxhall or 306 from the description and photo. If I searched for any of those terms I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR ADVERT. This sort of stupid search spam should get the advert deleted instantly.


These are just a few of the things I've found in a quick search. Other included:
  • Not enough information: ads sometimes exclude critical information like mileage or the exact model. If you don't include it I have to assume you are hiding something, or don't know as you don't have the documents.
  • 'One lady owner': So what? I know plenty of women who abuse cars as much as men - so why does putting the gender of the owner influence me?
  • Overpriced modifications: when you see a car with lowered suspension, an aftermarket body kit, glued on spoiler, half finished sound system installation or extra wide alloys you would expect to pay less, much less. But so many sellers don't get that, and expect to get back the thousands they have spent. Face it guys - if you modify a car, it's for your own use - a completely standard car is almost always going to be worth more.
  • Hiding Traders: traders who pretend to be private sellers to avoid advert costs and offering a warranty. This is illegal in the UK!
  • Private sales asking for more than trade: if you buy a car from a trade, you have certain statutory rights that it is fit for purpose, and most have a guarantee (even if short), even on older vehicles. It will normally have been competently cleaned, and the ownership checked and guaranteed. Private sellers, on the other hand, offer none of these. So if you are a private seller, do not expect to get more than a trader will - you are looking at 10% to 30% less. Advertising your car for more than trade prices because YOU think it is worth it is unlikely to get much interest.
OK, car sellers. Know your car, check the prices, write a decent description, use a spellchecker AND TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK.

    Saturday 12 November 2011

    I hate . . . (*)gate Scandals

    Watergate from the air. From wikipedia
    Every time there is some scandal (or something the media wants us to this is a scandal) it immediately gets the term 'gate' added to it. Just a quick search gives me the following:
    • Yellow-Gate - Users complaining of a yellow tint to their iPhone screens. I thought Apple was infallible, like the Pope.
    • Ball-Gate - Rugby player ball switching scandal. No, not those ones, you pervert
    • Toilet-Gate - Chess player has a weak bladder. It's front page news!
    • Lie-Gate - Man accused of lying. It's unheard of!
    • Strawberry-Gate - Forced to pay for pick-your-own strawberries that were picked. Call in the army!
    • Nipple-Gate - TV watchers forced to see Janet Jacksons boob. Nation outraged: 50% of watchers have them, 100% have seen one
    For those who don't know, Watergate was the name of hotel involved in a serious scandal involving USA President Nixon - lots more on wikipedia. Since then the -gate suffix has been applied to scandals from the great to the totally insignificant. Most have nothing to do with hotels, Presidents or even politics.

    The original scandal happened in 1972. That is a really long time ago - before a substantial number of the people reading the current -gate stories were born, and certainly before they were interested in reading about political scandals.

    In fact, without any evidence whatsoever, I'd bet that a significant proportion of the English speaking world know very little to nothing about the original Watergate scandal.

    So why do journalists insist on using -gate for anything and everything? While some of the stories with the added -gate are serious, adding the suffix is laziness in my opinion. It's a shorthand to say 'don't you think this is terrible and shouldn't they do something about it', which is odd, as they usually do not define 'they' or 'something'.

    It's time to some up with a new word - or even better, just treat every news item on it's own merits without resorting to clichĂ©.