I hate . . . Drivers Wearing Hats

Why would anyone hate drivers wearing hats? It's because in my experience, they are pretty much all one of two types:

Chav Corsa with rear wing (it's front wheel drive!)
From yourcarisshit.com (Ads NSFW).

1. The Extremely Old
They have been driving since before there was a requirement to take a test, and their Rover or Honda has covered 3,000 miles from new in 15 years. Despite all this experience, the Extremely Old will still tend to set out during rush hour.

Identification
Old car in immaculate condition. Average speed around half the speed limit. Tweed caps (men), sensible bonnets (women). Usually in front of you.

Driving Style

• Extremely slow in all conditions
• Likely to be in middle lane of 3 lane motorways.  As they are doing 35mph, cannot pull back in due to the steady stream of trucks going past on the inside.
• Random signals including leaving indicators on for 8 miles, or not at all.

The Dangers
While not a significant danger themselves (too slow for that) their driving style causes other road users to take actions they would normally avoid:

• Overtaking on the wrong side, on bends, at junctions. Anywhere to get past and make some progress
• Speeding, after having managed to get past, to make up lost time
• Deliberate ramming (in extreme cases)

2. The Yoof (AKA Chav or Douche Bag)
Driving since last week (legally) or for 4 years (illegally), the Yoof is generally found in small packs. Unlike the Extremly Old, the Yoof can be found in all locations, at any time of the day or night.

Identification
Also tends to drive an older car, but usually a cheap Vauxhall Nova or similar. The car will generally have been modified: badges removed in a vain attempt to disguise it, large exhaust end, glued on spoiler or rear wing from a completely different vehicle. Driver will usually be wearing a cap just slightly too large for them, normally backwards or sideways. Synthetic materials are obligatory.
Can often be head coming before seen due to the holes punched in the exhaust to make it sound sportier.

Driving Style

• Will attempt to drive fast, but is often limited by the 1.1 litre engine. 
• Creeps forward over the line at red lights, but still pulls away slowly
• Will drive within 6 inches of the car in front
• If encountered with another Yoof, frequent overtaking is mandatory.

The Dangers
Much more dangerous to themselves and other road users:

• Will refuse to let anyone pass them, especially other Yoofs, so expect blocking manoeuvres
• Will do 50 in most 30 zones (but not so dangerous on motorways as cannot go over 80 mph)
• Has no concept of a blind corner, or being able to brake (on bald tyres) in the distance they can see

Dealing with hat wearing drivers
Tactics for the two are similar: avoid at all costs. For the Extremely Old, overtake when safe, but be aware everyone else wants to do the same thing. For the Yoof, avoid altogether - best wait until they go the other way. Tends to drive in random circles, so often easily avoided.

I hate . . . Airports

I enjoy travelling - seeing new places, trying new foods, experiencing different cultures. I even enjoy the travelling part - driving through new scenery and the surge of power as an aeroplane takes off.

But what I really cannot stand is airports. I had the misfortune to be stuck at one for about 6 hours the other day - a combination of a delayed flight and getting an early lift. It's a miserable waste of time that sucks so much of the pleasure out of travelling.

First of all is the queues. Queues for everything. To check in, for baggage, for security, for boarding. Then there is the irritating and illogical security procedures. I'm pretty used to the things you can't take on board, but so many of them make no sense. Nail scissors? Dangerous weapons! Half drunk coffee from one of the terminal shops? Probably an explosive! (even if you are still sipping it).

What made me laugh was that you can get metal cutlery in any of the shops in the secure area. They are blunt, but 10 minutes and a bit effort would get you an edge or point. Of course, it would not do you any good, as the new on-board security prevent access to the flight deck anyway.

Then there is airport design. They are big buildings - I suppose they have to be accommodate the gates - but I'm sure they make them bigger than required purely to drag you past all these shops. You are a captive audience, and they really want you to buy overpriced rubbish. I especially hate the duty free shop in most airports, designed so you have to walk through it, with banners screaming special offers that are not so special if you could compare them to the supermarket down the road.

Lastly there are the waiting area. Waiting is what you do in airports, so you would expect the most attention paid to it. Instead you get limited, uncomfortable seating, food service that seems to only supply reheated, poor quality food that is massively overpriced, and hundreds or thousands of surly customers and staff.

Yes, I hate airports. Next time, I think I'll walk - or swim.

UPDATE: See Joe the Peacock Yay Rules of air travel for a really useful list of things to do in the airport to make other passengers lives easier.

I hate . . . Cooking With Chilli

I like chilli - nice bit of spicy food. However, I don't like this bit....

Chopping up some yummy fresh chilli


Mmmm. Nom nom nom.

2 Hours later...

Hmm - itchy Eye


ARRGGH - The Pain!!


How is it that chilli can survive multiple hand washes and still have enough power left to cause excruciating pain?

And how come we can still eat the stuff without dying, our insides a useless molten mess of screaming nerve endings and smouldering flesh?

I hate . . . Public Sector Strikers

Striking 'workers' in Westminster.
Pic: Ema Globyte

For for those who have not noticed, around 750,000 public sector workers (or 100,000, depending who you believe) went on strike today. This included civilians who work for the police, teachers and passport control staff. They complain of plans to increase what they have to pay for their pensions, and an increase in retirement age to 66.

They have caused massive inconvenience and cost for millions - forced to arrange childcare or book time off work to care for children or to delay travel. Worse, they may have threatened lives by reducing response times to critical 999 calls.

While public sector workers do have a right to negotiate for better rights, moving to the nuclear option may leave them with nowhere left to go - hated by both their direct employers -the government - and their indirect employers - the tax payer.

And what really irritates is that they are making demands so far out of touch with the common reality. I (along with a lot of people I know) have and equivalent education level as a teacher, and probably better than many of the other public sector employees.

• Pay (from what I can see from job ads) is roughly equivalent for a similar level role. Few people I know have had a pay rise in the last two years, except by promotion or a new job. At least you get something from your union negotiated deals.  Call it a draw.
• They get more holiday - not just the statutory minimum most others get. Plus most have generous sickness payment that encourages some to treat this as extra holiday. One up for the public workers.
• They are practically impossible to fire, no matter how poor the performance. They can be made redundant, but often with massive notice, assistance in locating a new job and a generous redundancy payout. Another one for them.
• Retirement at 60, compared to 65 (moving to 66) for most workers - and that's assuming you can afford it, and don't have to continue to make your pension bigger.
• Generous pension with high employer contributions. This is the big one, what they are whining about. I've hear figures quoted of an equivalent of £400 extra a month, by the time you take the tax effect into account. compared to most private sector my age of...nothing. Yup - if we want a pension, we have to pay for it. Work for a bigger firm, and they may put in a bit, but nowhere near this amount for someone of average levels of pay. Another win for them.

So to the public sector workers: yes, we understand seeing a reduction in benefits is not good. But your expectations are now so far out from the rest of us - you know, those who actually those taxes - you begin to look like you may be moaning ingrates with too much power due to the unions. People are both living longer and expecting more, so you cannot expect the same as you got 30 years ago. You are going to have to pay more for your pensions, retire later, and maybe get less.

Get over it.

I hate . . . Bait and Switch Marketing

Bait and switch marketing is where an advert promises one thing, but delivers something else. I really hate this form of advertising; it's dishonest and (at least for me) totally ineffective. I am far more likely to never use that brand, or leave the site as soon as I notice.

The (Not) Free Offer

Probably one of the oldest, the big offering is 'FREE!!!!!' (exclamation marks common). When you actually try to get the good or service, you find that the free offer is so heavily limited as to be useless, or even worse, is nowhere to be found.

Now you see it...now you don't

I'm seeing this more and more on comparison shopping sites. A goods is for sale at a certain retailer at 20% to 70% less than the next cheapest, but when you click through it is out of stock. While they are obviously hoping their other offers will tempt you its a big fail - I'm going to hit 'back' and carry on looking for the thing I searched for. You may occasionally get lucky and get hold of the one item they actually had in stock at that price - but I wouldn't bet on it.

The Optional Extras

A favourite of budget holiday and flight companies (as well as some online sellers), this is where the big headline price does not include a lot of the extras. This is fine where the extras are truly optionally, but is really annoying when they are not.


The attached image is just a bit of Ryanirs extra charges. Like £6 per passenger per flight for making payment by card - when the processing costs are more like 2%, not the hideous 33% Ryanair charge on it's cheapest flights. Add to that baggage, food, and boarding fees, it all gets to be as much as a 'premium' airline.

Other great scams in this category are huge postage and packing fees, heavily recommended 'options' like product insurance and overpriced consumables and parts.

Amazing Job Offers

Another favourite is the fake job offer - the 'Earn £2000 per month part time on your PC' ads. They almost always based on some very shaky numbers, and almost always require upfront payments (from a few pounds to serious money) for equipment and training. If anyone has EVER made the money promised on one of these, please comment!

All these are barely one step up from the classic Advanced Fee Fraud scam - promising the world before screwing the customer for everything they can get. Marketers: unless you want lumped in with a buch of dodgy Nigerians, just don't do it!